Requiem For A Dream
by PastaLovingIdjit
Summary: It's just a nightmare, it's all just a stupid nightmare and when I wake up everything will be back to the way it used to be. If only Alfred Jones, highschool outcast, could believe his own words. Alone in the world with only his brother and a crazy Russian for comfort will Alfred be able to live his life and follow his dream or will he just fade away? Rated T for France and Romano
1. Chapter 1 - In the beginning

**Hey guys long time no see!**

**I'm still working on A Blast From the Past, don't worry, but I thought I'd put this little guy up to keep you guys occupied while I'm hashing out chapters. The poll closed (thank you for everyone who voted!) and human/highschool AU won out. So I thought I'd give you guys a look into what I'm planning for it.**

**It was nice doing light and fluffy humor, but going back to my roots- which means dark and romantic starring our lovely American and Brit duo along with the rest of the gang. So if you guys have read my other big multi-chapter fic then start preparing.**

**This is rated T for now, but I may bump this up to M possibly in later chapters depending on how dark it gets (yes you don't need it to have a sex scene in it for a fic to be labeled M guys. Look up the guidelines if you think I'm lying). ****That being said, this is definitely one of the darker things I've written about to date so I'm definitely putting out a warning for you guys before you start this thing. **

**Oh and if this hasn't been cleared up yet, I don't own Hetalia. All rights go to Hima.**

Chapter 1

"_Hey dad what's that?" Sky blue eyes glanced in the direction of the small finger. A gentle smile graced his face as his eyes lit up in amusement. He let out a chuckle. _

_"It's just a-"_

Alfred bolted awake at his alarm clock blared loudly right next to his ear. Reflexively, his hand flew out and slammed the snooze button.

He stayed in bed a few minutes longer, staring at the ceiling with glazed-over eyes as he tried to calm his erratic pulse. His eyes were itchy and tense, he'd probably been crying in his sleep again. He took a shuddering breath, the words of the nightmare replaying itself over and over in his head, berating his tortured soul.

He was glad his alarm clock had stopped the nightmare. He already knew what happened next. He was reminded of it nearly every night.

_It's just a nightmare. It was just a nightmare_, he repeated to himself over and over. Oh how he wished he could believe his own words. He'd give almost anything for them to be true.

After a solid five minutes he finally found the strength to get out of bed, his legs feeling a bit like jelly as he stood up slowly. He ghosted out of his room and into the bathroom across the hall. There he stripped off his sweaty clothes and hopped into the shower. The hot water pounding on his back helped banish the last remnants of the nightmare from Alfred's mind.

As he turned off the shower and got dressed for the day he could hear his brother moving around in the kitchen underneath, probably already halfway through making the two of them breakfast. They had a system down where Alfred would shower first and Matthew would get breakfast started and then they'd switch jobs with Alfred finishing breakfast and Matthew showering. Their guardian, Maria, was already gone for work when the boy woke up at seven. She worked in the city and usually wasn't home until around dinner time, leaving the boys to fend for themselves.

By the time Matthew made his way down the hall and back into the kitchen, his wet hair plastered to his head, Alfred had the pancakes off the griddle and on the table, two glasses of milk for them. They sat down at the table and ate mostly in silence. The majority of the world, which just consisted of their suburban New York town, was still asleep, leaving the streets quiet and the sidewalks empty. The sun peeked shyly over the tree line, beginning its ritualistic ascent into the sky as it colored the world in pale yellows and vibrant reds. At least it seemed like something was happy to be awake this early in the morning.

Maria's house was a nice one, moderately sized with four bedrooms and two and a half baths. She used to have her own family but her kids had been older than Alfred and Matthew and had moved out and away several years ago. Her husband had passed about ten years ago from a stroke.

It had a nice open-floor concept with the living room flowing seamlessly into the kitchen. The house was adorned with mementos from Maria's old home in Mexico along with the standard bunch of pictures of her friends and family scattered about. The walls were all brightly colored, Alfred remembering Maria complaining that American houses were too 'plain and cheerless'. Here the walls were a warm cream with bright blue kitchen cabinets, the couch and armchairs in the living room adorned with brightly-patterned throw pillows, and the stairs leading to the second floor were accented by Moroccan-style tiles. The house as a whole felt exotic yet strangely rustic and homely at the same time.

Alfred stopped gazing out the window and instead studied his brother as he slowly ate his pancakes. Matthew, or Mattie as Alfred would always call him, was an almost perfect carbon copy of himself. The only true defining factors were the longer length in hair that fell just past his ears, the one wayward, wavy cowlick slightly raised into the air, and gentle eyes that were a unique mix of blue and violet. Alfred on the other hand had a shorter haircut and an irritatingly stubborn cowlick that defied gravity at the top of his head. His eyes were just a plain old blue.

They were both fairly tall and fit, it helped that Mattie played hockey and Alfred found time to go to the gym since they both ate like pigs when they were at home. Alfred felt bad about how high Maria's food bill was now. She assured him it was nothing after taking care of her own family for so long, but still it was another burden placed on her by their presence. Matthew was wearing his trademark red sweatshirt with a white Canadian maple leaf on it and jeans, Alfred wearing a faded gray-green tee with a black button up over it and jeans.

"Why are you staring at me?"

"Huh?" Alfred asked, his eyes snapping up to meet Mattie's.

"I was wondering why you were looking at me," he repeated as he talked around his pancakes. "Do I have something on my face or something?"

"Well, you did somehow manage to get maple syrup on your forehead but other than that no," Alfred teased. Mattie turned red in embarrassment as Alfred grabbed a napkin and wiped the offender off his brother's forehead. Seriously, his brother always managed to get syrup on his face in the strangest of places. He even managed to get it behind his ear once. Like how does that even happen? Alfred smirked at his brother's expression.

"You ready for today? First day of school and all." He waved his hand vaguely as if he was simply referring to the weather.

"Don't worry Al. I mean it's going to be a bit confusing trying to find all my classes but nothing I can't handle," his twin replied. "We'll have to figure a schedule out with Mr. Vargas to accommodate for the extra work though." Alfred hummed in agreement.

Mr. Romulus Vargas was their boss and they waiter for him at the Italian restaurant that he owned in town. The twins worked alongside his grandsons, Lovino and Feliciano Vargas. They worked in the kitchen and also attended the same school as Alfred and Matthew.

Lovino was a bit of a crank and Feliciano was a ball of energy but they were nice enough. They've never really become friends even though Alfred and Mattie have been working there for almost two years now. Well Feliciano tried to, but Alfred wasn't really interested in having friends. It's not like anyone in this damn town would give him the time of day either even if he wanted to. They probably thought they'd come down with some life-threatening illness by even speaking his name. Besides he had Mattie and Ivan and those two were all Alfred really needed.

"We'll just ask if we can just do weekends and Friday nights like last year," Alfred replied as he ate his last pancake, savoring each and every bite. Alfred prided himself on his cooking ability but Matthew was in a whole other league. Alfred knew that it was his twin's dream to go to culinary school and he definitely had the talent to pull it off. As for himself… well that was a bit of a different story.

Alfred pulled himself from his thoughts and stood up, gathering the dishes and running them under the sink as Matthew gathered the rest of his stuff. With fifteen minutes left before school started the boys shuffled out of the house, Alfred locking the door behind him, and began the walk to school. They did own one bike that the boys took turns using but for school they simply hoofed it. Alfred didn't mind the walking all that much really; it gave him a chance to look around.

This town was average but nice, a little on the small side compared to the big cities they lived near. It was the kind of place where all the little old ladies sat out on their porches and gossiped and neighbors carpooled each Sunday to go to mass. It was the type of town where everyone knew everything about everyone.

All in all it was a very deceiving town.

By the time the boys had made it to school, about a ten minute walk through the center of town, traffic had picked up and was bottlenecking around the school as parents, students, and buses vied for the chance to slip inside school grounds first. Their high school was average sized with three main wings and three floor levels. About eight hundred kids attended. The road up to the school branched in three places to allow students and teachers to get into their designated parking lots before the asphalt curved at the front of the school and looped back to the main road.

Students and teachers alike made beelines for the front doors and Alfred and Matthew allowed themselves to be carried away into the school. Already a good majority of the students had arrived and the halls were becoming congested with warm, hormone-riddled teenage bodies. Alfred slid through the sea of students, Matthew right on his heels. Their lockers were fairly close to each other, only about a five locker difference between them. Alfred dumped his stuff into his locker and then looked at his schedule to see which classes he had first.

"Honors English Literature first huh?" Alfred mumbled under his breath as he read the piece of paper again to commit the room number to mind. English wasn't his favorite subject but oh well, nothing he could really do about it.

He walked over to Mattie's locker and watched as he slammed the beige metal closed.

"So whaddya have first?" Alfred asked.

"Pre-Calculus," Matthew whined quietly. When it came to school life, Mattie basically became mute. It tended to make him invisible to everyone else which was one of the many reasons Alfred always stuck close to his twin's side when he could. Alfred was pretty reserved at school himself. He wasn't there to make friends and go to football games and parties and get drunk and all those things that most normal highschoolers did. Then again he wasn't like most highschoolers. After everything he'd gone through, it had all lost its shiny appeal.

He had to give a small grin at Matthew's obvious discomfort with the subject though, math had never been his strong suit per say.

"Don't worry about it man. I've already done all that stuff so I can totally tutor you."

Alfred was a rarity amongst his grade, having tested out of most of the math and science classes because they weren't challenging enough for him. So while everyone was just starting the agonizing process of discovering just what trigonometry meant, he was taking college-level statistics with the seniors. It was his only way of sorta saying fuck you to all the people who enjoyed messing with him, though really it probably worsened his situation.

"Can't you just give me all the correct answers and take all my tests?" Matthew asked, pouting slightly in a way that would get almost anyone to cave. _Almost_ anyone. Alfred snorted. They'd tried it once, switching places in school when they were younger. No one had noticed until school was almost over but still.

"Sorry dude, no can do this time," he smirked. Matthew immediately dropped the pout, sigh and crossing his arms.

"You're no fun at all anymore," he complained.

"Yeah yeah, tell me all about it at lunch," Alfred laughed as the first bell rang. "Later dude."

"See you at lunch," Mattie replied before they both went their separate ways.

When he walked in he was one of the first kids in the room. He quickly took a seat near the back of the classroom, barely glancing at the kids as they stopped chatting to analyze him. He was used to be the loner of the class, of the entire school really. He sometimes wondered what it would be like to have friends, someone outside of your immediate family who you spent time with and talked to constantly, some to share secrets and ideas over phone calls and text messages, going out for coffee, and having sleep overs every other weekend.

He'd had friends once, but that was so long ago that he couldn't even remember. He did have Ivan, so he couldn't say that he didn't have at least one friend, but it was more of a love/hate relationship most of the time. Ivan just _was_ in Alfred's mind, there was no specific label he could slap on him. So either he was a bad example or a really good one, Alfred couldn't decide.

The girls sitting in front of him eventually turned back to each other, talking like he wasn't even there though their voices lowered considerably. He knew he had a reputation in the school as someone who was to be left alone. Avoided at all costs. Though he tried to not let it get to him most of the time, a small part of him always grew sad and angry. Why didn't they want to talk to him? Why was everyone so unwilling to even acknowledge his presence?

_Why do they always leave me?_

The bell rang, startling Alfred from his morbid thoughts. No, it wouldn't do him any good to go down that black road. He knew all too well where it wound up. The teacher came in, announcing himself as Mr. Collins, our new Lit teacher.

"I'm sorry to do this to you guys but I'm going to put you all in alphabetically order, but later on once we get to know each other I'll allow for seat changes," he announced, the attendance list already in his hands. Everyone groaned and grumbled at this but obediently stood up and went to their new assigned seat as their name was called.

"Alfred Jones," Mr. Collins called out. Alfred flinched slightly as the last name was read, his heart stuttering painfully. He didn't think he'd ever get used to hearing it. Not after that…

He pointed to a desk near the back of the room and Alfred took his new seat, barely hearing the teacher call out, "Arthur Kirkland" afterwards. He saw a boy settle down behind him in out of the corner of his eye but other than that he gave the kid behind him no thought. He was just another nameless face in the sea of students at their school. English passed uneventfully, the teacher going over the syllabus and class expectations. As the bell rang he told the class that they'd receive their text book within the next day or so.

He felt much more at ease as he walked into his AP Chemistry class. He'd always had a natural fascination with science and excelled in all fields. He was also enrolled in the AP Physics course as well. Upon walking in he was greeted with the sight of familiar ash blond hair and violet eyes.

"Privet Alfred," the tall Russian boy greeted as Alfred took a seat next to him.

"Hey Ivan," Alfred replied as he shuffled his notebooks. Ivan was about three inches taller than Alfred with broad shoulders, a large nose, and childish smile. His neck was wrapped in a homemade cream scarf that Ivan never took off, even in the dead of summer. He was pretty intimidating but he and Alfred went way back so the American was used to it by now. Ivan shared Alfred's love of science, particularly their love of astronomy. Alfred remembered when the two used to lay back and watch the stars and talk about the future. They had both wanted to become astronomers but while Alfred's dream had faltered and fallen short, Ivan was still holding on strong. They still sometimes sat back and watched the stars, but they weren't eight anymore and life had thrown them quite a few curveballs since then.

"So how was your first class?" Ivan asked, aware that Alfred wasn't one for initiating small talk in school.

"Meh, it's okay I guess," Alfred replied with a vague wave of his hand. "We're gonna start reading Wuthering Heights soon. What about you?"

"I think I will like my programming class. There is a boy there, Eduard I think his name was, that is very good with computers. Perhaps I can convince him to become one with Mother Russia." Alfred snorted at the wistful expression in his friend's face. It was really only Ivan's way of asking a person to be his friend. However, most kids took it the wrong way and usually ran away terrified.

"Try not to scare this one away," Alfred taunted.

"Da, I will try," Ivan assured him.

Chemistry passed in almost the same manner as Alfred's previous class. This teacher didn't care much for assigned seats though so he allowed Alfred and Ivan to stay together in the back of the room. Their textbooks were handed out, massive books that were heavy enough to be considered actual weapons in Alfred's opinion. She then had them find lab partners, Alfred and Ivan silently agreeing to be the other's partner, and before they knew it class was over.

"I'll see at lunch I guess," Alfred said as the two walked out. He had to stay on the top floor for his AP Stats class while Ivan was heading down for his next class.

"Da and then Physics," Ivan answered with his trademark childish smile before allowing himself to be swept away into the stream of students. Alfred let out a tired huff before turning on his heels and walking down to the end of the hallway to his next class.

He hadn't had a chance to see Mattie at all yet today, not even in the hallways between periods. His brother was taking mostly humanity courses so most of his classes were on the bottom floor while Alfred's were on the top in a completely different wing. Alfred felt uncomfortable about not knowing where Mattie was and what he was doing. He knew that it would sound weird to anyone else, but to him it made perfect sense. He was Matthew's brother after all, the only family he had left really, so he wanted to make sure he was doing okay. He had lunch with him next though so he'd be able to put his worries aside but for now they settled uneasily into the back of his mind.

Statistics ran the exact same way as English. As soon as everyone had settled down they were forced back up again and put into alphabetical order. Alfred was oblivious to almost everything but he felt a tingle of recognition as the name "Arthur Kirkland" floated through the air. Oh yeah, he was in Alfred's English class as well. He found his curiosity piqued upon hearing the boy's name for the second time today and he decided to get a look to see just who Arthur was.

He watched as a slim blond detached himself from the crowd to walk to his new seat. The first thing Alfred noticed was Arthur's stunning green eyes, and the massive eyebrows that sat atop of them. Seriously, are those things eyebrows or caterpillars? He definitely looked shorter than Alfred by a good three inches or so with an unruly mop of straw blond hair. He was wearing a white dress shirt with a sweater over it and khaki's. The kid looked like he was attending a private school and not a public one.

Now seeing the guy in person, Alfred realized that he actually did know Arthur. Well, not really, but he knew a lot about Arthur from just talk he'd heard. He was the star player on their soccer team as well as their new student president though he'd only arrived at their school in the late spring of last year. He had a ton of friends and probably didn't know Alfred from Adam. Their eyes met as the kid looked over his way, but neither said anything as Arthur took his seat behind Alfred and their teacher got their class started. Despite his strange looks and attire the guy seemed pretty interesting. Maybe in another lifetime Alfred would have tried to befriend Arthur.

…

Matthew sighed as he walked to class. He really hated being 'invisible' as Alfred had coined it to the rest of the student body. It was as if he didn't exist as he walked through the halls and sat in his classes. It didn't help that he grew almost silent during school hours. He remembered a time when his and Alfred's laughter could be heard for blocks. Now it was a miracle to even hear Matthew talk and Alfred never laughed anymore, at least not a real laugh.

He supposed though that it was better that the isolation was more unintentional than intentional as in his brother's case, though when people did realize who he was they made sure to give him a wide berth and actively ignore him. He didn't know what he and his brother had done to deserve such treatment. All he knew was that a few years ago he had a bunch of friends that he hung out with. Now though he'd be lucky if they remembered his name or even met his gaze. School had turned into a type of purgatory for the boys and both couldn't wait to be out of this damned town and to places where no one knew their names and condemn them.

Hopefully he'd at least be able to enjoy this class, AP French. Their mother had been French-Canadian and had taught Matthew how to speak the language, who in turn had taught Alfred after her death. He was quite fluent at this point and outside of town he'd probably be mistaken for a Canadian tourist so it was only natural that he take an advanced course.

As he walked in he was instructed by their teacher, Mrs. Lynch, to pick any seat he wanted. After only one glance around at the pointed looks he was given by the other students already seated he opted to sit in the very back of the classroom where no one else was.

As the bell rang and their teacher started to go over the class syllabus the door opened and in waltzed a student that Matthew instantly recognized as Francis Bonnefoy, a senior and the school's number one pervert was one of the most popular boys in school and usually had girls draped over his shoulder as if they were the newest fashion statement. It seemed that he was always dating a new girl or boy every other week.

"Ah, Monsieur Bonnefoy thank you for finally finding your way to class," the teacher greeted sarcastically as said student gave an elegant shrug of his shoulders while the class snickered. "Anyways please find your seat. The class is quite full but I believe there is a seat in the back next to Mr. Jones."

Matthew's eyes unconsciously flickered to Francis's face and the two boys looked at each other with a mixture of embarrassment and disbelief. Matthew looked away first, suddenly finding the tiled floor much more interesting and tried to control his blazing red cheeks as he felt more than saw Francis slide into the seat beside him. Apparently he wouldn't even have the luxury of enjoying French.

**Phew, long ass A/N + long ass chapter = hella lot of writing.**

**So obviously this is just the first chapter, so the darker stuff isn't gonna come in immediately- just bits and pieces here and there to give hints**

**I didn't say exactly what the warning would be up at the top, but I'll put it down here. This is going to be a depression fic (I know a bit cliche with all the other ones already out there but I don't give a crap) but it's a bit different than the others. It's not going to focus on self-harm- at this point I don't have plans for any of that stuff in the story -and more on the emotional state of depression which I find isn't really addressed enough in these types of fics. Even so I know that there are as many emotional triggers as there are physical ones, so that's why I'm putting the warning out there.**

**Alright that's my warning, if I feel the need to add anything I'll put it at the top of the chapters.**

**Sooo... whaddya think? Review and tell me!**


	2. Chapter 2 - Suddenly I See

**Hallelujah midterms are finally over! So to celebrate I thought I'd send out the next chapter!**

**Shout out to Wendywater101 and I-Heart-Sesshomaru for reviewing and the rest of you guys for favoriting!**

**Rest assured all FrUK fans I do not own Hetalia so that ship still has the possibility to be canon!**

Chapter 2

Arthur frowned as he picked at his food. Those eyes. What was it with those eyes? They were the most intense shade of blue he'd ever seen; they put the sky above his head to shame. Yet when Arthur had seen those eyes he'd seen nothing but pain, so much pain.

The Brit cursed under his breath. All around him his friends were talking and laughing and here he was thinking about a pair of eyes. He didn't even know the lad the eyes belonged to and yet here he was, thinking about those damn eyes. Well, wait maybe he did or at least he knew a name.

It was Al… Allen? Alex? Alfred maybe? Yes, Alfred! That was the boy's name… though this still doesn't help him at all…

"Arthur, mon cher, what did your salad ever do to you?" Arthur blinked, automatically looking over to Francis, Arthur's childhood friend. Their mothers had been friends back when Francis's mom still lived in France and Arthur's mom in England. In accordance their friendship had started from the time they were able to walk to present most days Arthur wanted to punch the living daylights out of the frog. It's probably why they worked well, Francis was the only one who could withstand the Brit's acidic mouth and heavy scowl. His light blond hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail and he was wearing a stylish outfit as per usual. He was smirking at Arthur and Arthur glanced back down to see that he had mutilated most of his salad.

"Sorry," Arthur muttered, half to Francis and half to the food.

"Is something bothering you?" his friend asked, unaccustomed to hearing the usually stubborn Brit apologizing.

"No it's nothing," Arthur replied vaguely and Francis lifted an elegant eyebrow.

"I mean it. Nothing is wrong," Arthur repeated, firmer this time. Francis looked at him suspiciously but then just shrugged his shoulders. Arthur watched as Francis turned his attention elsewhere, staring off into the cafeteria, his light blue eyes softening slightly. Arthur took it as a sign that Francis had found some new girl or boy to chase after and followed his gaze to see who the unlucky soul was this time.

He stiffened unconsciously upon seeing those painful blue eyes. Arthur furrowed his brow in confusion as he continued to look. Wait, those weren't the same eyes as before. They belonged to a person whose eyes were scarily similar to Alfred's, but these eyes were different. There was still an undercurrent of sadness but these were lighter, happier than Alfred's eyes. Also if Arthur tilted his head slightly he could see what looked like violet in them.

"Who is that?" Arthur asked, his eyes still locked on the strange Alfred-look-alike.

"Ah, that is Matthew Jones," Francis replied, not taking his eyes off the boy either. "He is a junior in my French class."

"I'm surprised you're capable of so much self-control," Arthur teased. "Usually you'd be all over him or vice versa. What is it? Have you finally met someone who's just not that into you?"

"Non, it is not that," Francis replied dismissively. "It's who he's related to that's the problem."

"Oh and who would that be?" Arthur taunted though he was truly curious. He knew Francis was a guy who got what he wanted no matter what, so for him to have reservations was unheard of.

"Alfred Jones."

Arthur felt a shock run through his body upon hearing Alfred's name. So that's why he looked so similar to Alfred! Just as Francis let his name slip Arthur noticed Alfred walking over to Matthew, a reserved smile on his face as he plopped down next to his brother and took his lunch out. Arthur also noticed that the two boys sat completely alone at a rather large table, and no one was making a move to sit near them. In fact it seemed that upon Alfred's arrival a few people had gotten up to move even further _away_. It was as if the boy was carrying the plague or something of the like with the way other students would look at him.

"Why are they sitting all alone?" Arthur asked, finally tearing his eyes away to look at Francis. Being as Francis was the Queen of gossip he was sure his French friend knew something about something about the Jones brothers.

"I do not quite know to be honest, though I bet it has something to do with their association with Ivan Braginski," Francis muttered, sneering as he said Ivan's name.

Even though he hadn't been in America that long, Arthur already knew a fair amount about Ivan Branginski. Everyone in the school was terrified of him and it was rumored that his little sister was a psycho and that he'd killed a man once. Now of course that was all circumstantial, but Arthur had seen Ivan once and man, he'd been ready to believe every single rumor upon seeing that disturbingly cruel yet somehow childish smile on that massive, hulking frame.

Arthur glanced back at the boys and speak of the devil, there was the man himself, his ashen blond hair situated between the two golden blonds.

"Anyways, all I know is that they used to be like the rest of us and then one day both their parents were dead and my mother told me not to associate with them anymore," Francis concluded. "She didn't tell me though that they'd grow to be such beautiful men though. Fate is a heartless woman sometimes. She allows us to see but never to touch."

With that and a final sigh Francis turned away from the Jones brothers and jumped into the conversation being held between Gilbert and Antonio. Arthur hadn't really been following it but he believed they had been arguing whether beer or tomatoes were 'the awesomest'. Instead he kept his eyes on the strange trio across the cafeteria, watching as they quietly conversed amongst themselves. Arthur just couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from Alfred's, the pain he saw each time somehow drew him back.

After lunch Arthur was able to push Alfred into the back of his mind as he focused on his classes. However, every once in a while he'd catch himself gazing out the window at the bright blue sky stretching out before him, and Alfred would kick and shove his way back to the forefront of Arthur's thoughts. He had a horrible habit of over-analyzing things that caught his fancy, and those electric blue eyes had been snapped right up by the Brit's mind.

Before he knew it though, it was the last period of the day and Arthur found himself more than happy to be heading down to the gym to get changed. Perhaps if school work wouldn't to rid his mind of those eyes then physical activity would make him too tired to think properly.

He waltzed into the locker room and was immediately greeted by several of the boys already there. Being popular was still a bit new to him, but hey it never hurts to have too many friends right? Honestly though if Francis hadn't paraded him around school as his friend then he'd probably have resorted to becoming the wallflower he used to be back in England.

It was as he was putting his gym shorts on that he noticed some of the guys exchanging pointed looks and muttering to each other quietly. Arthur followed their gaze and his eyes widened in surprise at seeing Alfred Jones in the locker room with them. Had he just arrived or had he been so quiet that Arthur just hadn't realized his presence until now?

Alfred was standing off near the corner of the locker room, all the boys giving him a wide berth. He kept his eyes down and changed mechanically into his gym clothes. Arthur admittedly stared a bit more than was socially acceptable, but Alfred looked _damn_ fine without a shirt on. Then as soon as he was dressed he walked out of the room without a sound, his eyes always glued to the floor. As the door closed behind him whatever tense atmosphere had been there immediately dissipated as the boys began joking with each other and talking loudly as if nothing had happened.

For a moment Arthur wondered if he had just imagined the whole scene until he heard the words "Freak" and "Weirdo" thrown about with pointed looks in the direction of the door. It gave Arthur an uneasy feeling in his stomach.

In gym the coach set them up playing a game of soccer much to Arthur's relief. He still found it strange to hear "soccer" instead of "football" but he supposed he'd have to get used to it. It had caused quite a bit of confusion when he'd first moved here and told kids that he played football. They had all assumed it was the American version of football and Arthur had had to spend five minutes explaining to them the difference. After a bit he'd just given up and started referring to it as soccer.

The coach had them pick captains and it was no surprise that Arthur was chosen as one captain and Gilbert Beilschmidt as the other. Gilbert was one of Francis's friends, and was co-captains with Arthur on the varsity soccer team. He was a rather tall German senior and his most interesting trait was that he was an albino with snow white hair, pale skin, and burgundy red eyes. He also had an ego bigger than the moon and constantly referred to himself and anything related to him as 'awesome'. Accordingly the two chose their teams and it was with great reluctance that Gilbert chose Alfred to be on his team. He had been the last one to be picked and Arthur heard Gilbert muttering about "how unawesome" it was.

Like in the cafeteria, everyone gave Alfred a wide berth as they played and never once was he given the ball. Instead he just stood off to the side and watched as the game progressed before just going to the sidelines and sitting down. No one said anything, not even the coach who was standing nearby.

When the coach finally called out that it was time for everyone to head inside most of the boys groaned, while the girls cheered and immediately began to make their way back. Arthur was caught up with all the boys, laughing and chatting about how hard he and Gilbert had been going at it on the field. Gilbert was pretty satisfied himself, having just gotten the last goal to propel his team past Arthur's in the last thirty seconds of the game.

Gilbert laughed that his awesomeness was the only thing that had made up for his teams 'handicap' as he put it. Arthur just smiled and shook his head as Gilbert continued to crow about how awesome he was, trying to ignore the handicap jibe that he had no doubt was aimed at Alfred. He looked back just as they were about to walk into the school and saw Alfred still laying out on the field and then the door slammed shut behind him.

After that first day at school Arthur couldn't get Alfred Jones out of his mind nor could he physically stop running into him either. Besides sharing three classes Arthur somehow constantly found himself walking behind the American in the halls or seeing him sitting in his other classes when Arthur had to run to his locker or the restroom. He was like an unsolved puzzle that Arthur's mind hungered to finish, but first he had to go about finding all the missing pieces.

It puzzled him to no end why all the students and even the teachers isolated Alfred from the rest of the school. He also noticed a nearly identical treatment of Alfred's brother Matthew when he saw him, though he noticed it was to a much lesser degree than his brother, more subdued. It was those electric, sky-blue eyes though that filled the Brit's mind as he gazed out the window while their teacher was talking about something that was probably important on the board.

Alfred looked like a normal high school junior to Arthur. He was tall and handsome so it wasn't like people were repulsed by his looks alone, and as far as Arthur had observed Alfred had never said anything rude to anyone so it wasn't his attitude either. So then what is it that makes everyone turn away in fear and revulsion from just his very sight? It seemed the only person brave enough to talk to him was Ivan.

Perhaps it had something to do with his parents. Francis had mentioned that both of them were dead. That would quite certainly explain the pained and miserable look Arthur always saw in Alfred's eyes even when the boy was smiling, though even those were exceedingly rare he was quickly discovering, but it still didn't explain the treatment. If anything, deaths usually brought people even closer together, not farther apart…

"Ve~ Arthur are you feeling okay? You're looking sick!"

Arthur's eyes flicked away from Alfred's blond hair to Feliciano's concerned face. He was Lovino's younger brother and had initially been frightened of Arthur, claiming that he was "too scary". Eventually though he had warmed up to Arthur and now they were pretty good friends.

Arthur sighed and shook his head at the Italian sophomore.

"No I'm fine Feliciano," Arthur answered back. Feliciano didn't look wholly convinced but gave him a big smile in return.

"That's good. Lovi is sick at home with a bad bug! I've been working at the restaurant all by myself!" Arthur had to laugh at Feliciano's dramatics; he always goes way over the top about everything. Lovino seemed to do the same. Maybe it was just an Italian thing.

"At least Alfred and Matthew haven't gotten sick," Feliciano mused to himself. "Then we'd have almost no one to waiter!"

"Wait, you know Alfred?" Arthur asked in surprise, nearly jumping out of his seat. Feliciano seemed confused by Arthur's reaction but nodded anyways.

"Sí, he and his fratello work at Nonno's restaurant. They waiter for Nonno on the weekends. Lovi and I work in the kitchen."

"Tell me, why does everyone seem to hate Alfred and his brother so much?" Feliciano wasn't someone who usually thought to lie before speaking so Arthur had learned that he was the best person to get the truth from. Arthur grew suspicious though as Feliciano's buoyant expression fell.

"Ve~ I am not quite sure to be honest, but both fratello and Nonno tell me to stay away from them. They don't seem to like other people very much either though besides Ivan."

"Oh okay, thanks Feliciano," Arthur replied, trying his best to hide the disappointment he felt. Feliciano beamed.

"It's no problem, but maybe you shouldn't think about them so much Arthur. Other people might get the wrong impression." With that Feliciano turned around and began to annoy Ludwig, Gilbert's younger brother and Feliciano's friend. Arthur sat back in his seat, thinking over what Feliciano had told him. It seemed that no one knew anything that could explain the enigma that was Alfred Jones. Arthur swiped away Feliciano's warning about thinking about Alfred so much. His brain couldn't help what it got fixated on and he wouldn't be able to move on until he got the entire story.

He noticed that as the weeks passed though Francis was stuck on Matthew Jones hard. Sure, he was still picking up a new girl each week, but Francis's lingering looks and the thoughtful expressions gave him away instantly to Arthur. Still, he like everyone else kept away from the Jones brothers and Arthur could only watch from the sidelines.

**Whelp, that's the chapter and we've been introduced to Art and Francis ^^**

**Sorry to say but updates will be infrequent (read: my teachers give me way too much damn work to do + I gotta go find a job) so I can't say when the next chapter will be out.**

**Also to answer your questions ****I-Heart-Sesshomaru - that is for me to know and you to find out (cue evil laughter)**

**Review if you want and I'll see you sometime in the foreseeable future!**


	3. Chapter 3 - Do I Wanna Know

**Hey guys thanks for waiting for me while I finished up A Blast From the Past! **

**Huge thank you to everyone who reviewed!**

**Now behold the next chapter!**

Chapter 3

At first it didn't seem like anything for Alfred to worry about. Mattie was his twin after all, he'd trust him with his life. Still over the weeks Alfred's confusion grew at Matthew's strange behavior. He didn't have any classes with his brother so he didn't know the full extent of what could be going on, but at lunch he'd watch Matthew zone out during conversations between the three boys, his eyes drifting off to another part of the cafeteria and resting there until Alfred or Ivan brought him back.

Now it was quite normal for his twin to daydream, but he usually told Alfred about it when they got home. So Alfred was more than a bit confused when Mattie _wouldn't_ discuss it, clamping down hard instead. His brother's secretiveness set off warning bells in Alfred's head and he was concerned that someone was playing with his twin.

Mattie was a sweet boy by nature and quick to forgive others. This is what made him a prime target for those who wanted to mess around with them, make sure they remembered that they were unwanted here. Alfred had already learned it the hard way when his so-called 'friends' toyed with him before kicking him while he was down back a few years ago.

He never wanted Mattie to go through the same thing, to develop the same level of mistrust Alfred now held against everyone.

He always knew that Matthew didn't understand why all his friends had abandoned him, why everyone isolated them. Alfred had wondered that for a long time, but now he just accepted it. No one wanted him or his brother. They were just wastes of space in everyone's mind and every night it left Alfred lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, wondering why he was still around.

He'd cry as he remembered each word spat his direction. Some he heard unintentionally, the rest was usual quite the opposite. If not for Maria then the boys probably would have been run out of town with pitchforks and fire. So with Matthew's growing secretiveness around him it made Alfred paranoid as to what was going through his mind. Perhaps his twin was angry at Alfred and all he had brought down on them.

Perhaps his twin didn't want him around either.

Alfred got up and quietly padded down the hallway to Matthew's room. It was probably only two in the morning, everyone in their right mind was asleep. Alfred himself had been until a half hour ago when he'd woken up crying and begging for mom and dad. He'd held an internal debate in his head and here he was now. Carefully he cracked open the door and peered inside.

Matthew was a lump on his bed, curled up on his side towards the door. His glasses were sitting nearby on the nightstand and in his arms was Kumajiro, his stuffed polar bear. Kumajiro was Mattie's most prized possession. He kept forgetting its name though so he'd just shortened it down to Kuma. Dad had won it for him at a carnival when he was nine, Alfred awkwardly enough had gotten a unicorn. It was probably his most prized possession too but he couldn't deal with the memories associated with it so he kept it stashed away in his closet.

He cracked the door open a little more and silently walked in and as gently as he could he crawled into bed with Mattie as if both of them were still five. They didn't do it often anymore, but with the way they seemed to becoming more distant and his latest nightmare Alfred needed the reassurance that his brother still wanted him around.

Matthew shifted slightly, awake now since Alfred had never been good at sneaking into bed, and gave his brother enough room to get comfortable. Alfred crawled under the sheets and then pulled Matthew towards him, wrapping an arm around his chest and burying his head in his twin's hair, his body quivering still from the after-effects of the nightmare.

"Mattie," Alfred whispered. "We tell each other everything, right?" Alfred felt Matthew stiffen up in his arm for a moment but Alfred didn't notice.

"…Of course Al," he replied with a yawn. "Now get some sleep." Matthew let out another yawn and then settled into his brother, slipping back off to sleep a minute later. It took Alfred a few more minutes of just being in Mattie's presence before his own eyes began to droop and then he was whisked off to sleep with a small, reassured smile on his face.

Alfred wished that he could just freeze that moment in time and stay in it forever, but eventually the alarm went off and he had to go to school and force his way through classes and try not to hear the things people said about him as he passed through the halls. Matthew was still remaining closed off about what was occupying his thoughts and as the days passed Alfred's paranoia and subsequent self-disgust grew.

Of course Mattie wouldn't want to stay just around Alfred all the time. He probably wished that he was off sitting with his old friends and not having to deal with being related to Alfred Jones. No one wanted to be associated with him; _Alfred_ didn't even want to be associated with Alfred. All he did was go about and ruin people's lives and he was rightfully resented for it. All the hate-filled looks tossed his way didn't even come close to the look he gave himself in the mirror, the one that berated him with questions of _why_? _Why_ did he ruin lives? _Why_ couldn't he do anything right? _Why_ was he still even here?

There was only one thing he could answer back with: Mattie.

No matter how much he hated himself, no matter how much pain he felt coursing through him, all the insults and looks thrown at him, he had to keep going for Matthew. They'd lost almost all their family; Alfred couldn't bear the thought of leaving Matthew all by himself. He had to pretend like he was okay so that his twin wouldn't have these same toxic thoughts that plagued Alfred day and night. He wanted his brother to have a good high school experience, have lots of friends, go to lots of parties and meet lots of people. Yet, selfishly he wanted to keep Matthew by his side because if he left, then Alfred had no one who cared about him.

No one who would miss him if he was gone.

He looked over and saw that Mattie had once again drifted away, his eyes looking off at something in the distance that only he could seem to see and Alfred felt his heart twist painfully.

Mattie would miss him, right?

…

Matthew hated keeping secrets from his brother, yet he simply found himself unable to tell Alfred about it. Matthew didn't even really know what _it_ was yet.

Matthew sighed and once again his eyes drifted to the senior with the chin-length hair and ice blue eyes. Francis. He didn't know what to do with him or what exactly he wanted from Matthew. Their French teacher had partnered them together as speaking buddies and Matthew found himself learning a lot about Francis and telling a lot about himself than he had had to in years.

Of course, some things were never discussed, his parents for example. The one time Francis had asked about them Matthew had felt all the blood drain from his face and had to bite his lower lip hard to keep from bursting into tears. After that they were never brought up again, instead Francis talked about his own mother and how his friend Antonio was rooming with him while his parents were in Spain.

It was the first time in a long time that Matthew had held an actual conversation with anyone other than Alfred or Ivan. Francis seemed like a nice guy, a bit overly dramatic when it came to talking about _l'amour_ as he called it, but nice nonetheless. His company allowed Matthew to ignore the looks pointed his way or the mutterings he heard from other students. For once he felt… happy and he felt like someone was actually interested in knowing more about him, not forced to by teachers and projects.

Ironically enough, Francis was also Matthew cooking partner in culinary class. He hadn't shown up to class on the first day but when he'd arrived on the second he was immediately paired with Matthew much to the disappointment of many girls and even a few guys. They were perhaps the best team in the class, with Ludwig and Feliciano right next to them. Matthew would find himself smiling at the way Francis talked with Feliciano, the latter calling him "big brother". Apparently they were related, though exactly how neither could say.

The three of them seemed to be good friends and Matthew felt immensely grateful to Francis when he tried to include the Canadian in their conversations. He knew Feliciano was a ball of energy from the times he'd waiter at his grandpa's restaurant and seen him in the kitchen with his older brother. Ludwig seemed a bit stiff and stern for a junior but he was polite enough to Matthew.

It all felt like some sort of strange dream to Matthew, and he worried that that's all it was. Just a dream. He suspected that Francis was just doing this because he was kind, not that he liked Matthew at all and wanted to befriend the boy. He remembered what had happened to Alfred when his 'friends' had humiliated him and destroyed his trust in people. He knew that he didn't want the same to happen to himself which is why he stuck so close to Alfred and Ivan.

Still though… he wanted to be normal. Oh, how he wanted to be normal and fit in more than anything.

That's why Matthew couldn't let Al know about Francis. If he did then he knew that his twin would jump to conclusions and probably do something rash. He didn't want his brother to scare Francis off just yet. So for now Matthew decided to keep the Frenchman a secret, even though he subconsciously knew that this was taking a toll on Alfred. Al could deal with it though, he didn't need Matthew to hold his hand everywhere they went.

It all ended up boiling down to one afternoon in their culinary class. They'd spent the day baking a cake and Francis and Matthew had perhaps gone a little overboard on the flour. So at the end of class the teacher made them stay behind and clean up their mess properly before leaving. The two joked around, casually slipping from English to French as they cleaned.

"Ohoho it seems you have some flour on your face," Francis teased as they were finishing up.

"I do?" Matthew asked, automatically raising a hand to his face. Christ, somehow he always managed to get food on his face in the weirdest of places. He could only wonder where the offending food had ended up this time.

"Where?"

"Right here." Francis took a step closer and Matthew felt his fingers brush against his cheek as Francis rubbed off the flour. However, it got awkward when the hand lingered on Matthew's cheek and he felt his face heat up. He found that his face heated up a lot in Francis's presence. To make matters worse Francis's face seemed to be mere inches away and Matthew felt his breath hitch as he locked eyes with the Frenchman.

"Francis…" God his voice was so weak and breathy. He should really push Francis away, yet he found that his body had seized up and would not move at all. Francis chuckled at the deer-in-the-headlights look in Matthew's eyes.

"Fate surely is cruel," Francis whispered. Christ, how the hell did he somehow sound so ridiculously seductive? There was a small, strangled noise from the hallway and both boys froze, waiting for someone to come barging in and demand to know what the hell was going on. However, it grew quiet again outside and Matthew and Francis both relaxed slightly.

Their eyes locked again but then Francis pulled his hand away and Matthew let out a breath he didn't know he was holding as Francis moved even further away. "Désolé if I made you uncomfortable," Francis apologized. "Though the look on your face was quite cute." Matthew felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment this time.

"Shut up," he muttered as he walked away, surely Francis was capable of cleaning up the rest of the mess. He was followed out by the Frenchman's unusual laughter as he made his way down the hall, still trying to figure out just what the hell had happened. He didn't notice a blond head peeking from around the corner of the hallway behind him, the owner's sky blue eyes shining with unshed tears.

…

Alfred wished that he had never gone searching for his brother. He should have just listened to Ivan and stayed put in the library where they usually met before heading home instead of walking off down the hall trying to find Matthew. He'd heard what sounded like Mattie's voice drifting down the hall from the cooking room, which is what had initially peaked Alfred's curiosity. His brother almost never spoke at school, hell he barely spoke above a whisper with Alfred anymore. So then who was Matthew talking to?

It was at the door that he recognized Francis's voice as well. What the hell was Mattie doing talking with Francis? That guy was nothing but bad news in Alfred's mind. Then it had gone real quiet, setting off numerous alarm bells in Alfred's head.

Making sure he didn't make a sound, Alfred poked his head in… and nearly fainted. His eyes took the scene all in at once: Mattie pressed up against the counter, Francis right in front of him, their faces mere inches away. It was all too much for Alfred's mind to process as he stumbled back, making a bit of noise in his wake. He quickly dashed down the hall, not wanting to be caught in the act. He rounded the corner and pressed himself to the wall.

As he slid to the tiled floor his head was filled with questions. Why hadn't Matthew told him he was talking with Francis? Were they even friends or was Francis taking advantage of him? Was this what Mattie had been so secretive about? How long has it been going on for? Why hadn't he told Alfred?

Alfred wasn't so concerned about the fact that Matthew was gay. Twins just know certain things about each other without a word needing to be uttered and that was one of those things. They both knew that the other was gay. Alfred also knew that Francis dated both boys and girls so that wasn't really surprising either. The fact that he was kissing Alfred's brother was though.

So was this it? Was Matthew leaving Alfred for Francis, moving on with his life? Alfred felt tears welling up in his eyes. He'd trusted Matthew and this is what he got. In the end, Alfred guessed that it was only fair that Matthew leave him. It's what he deserved wasn't it?

**Whew, well that's a lot of angsty self-hate coming from Al there and we still haven't hit rock bottom yet *heart breaking in half***

**Sorry it took so long for me to update, I've had this sitting on my computer for a few weeks now but school decided to go crazy so I had to take a bit of a break before coming back to this. Things have slowed down again so hopefully I'll be updating this a little more frequently.**

**Also I've been working on a cardverse story that I'll most likely be putting up later today *shameless self-promotion***

**Anyways that's all the news I have, so feel free to drop a comment about how I'm doing and have a great day!**


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